Signal BMX

I want to like 2Hip, I really do. Ron Wilkerson obviously means well—he's been riding forever, and every year he continues to put his money where his heart is. But then he comes out with stuff like this, and I literally reel in amazement:


The "Groovetech" steering system hasn't been written up on the 2Hip site yet—no surprise, since said site seems to be updated semi-annually at best—but it did earn an article on RIDE (a glowingly positive one, no less). Sigh. Basically what we have here is a four-piece bar with an oversized, splined clamping area, a stem that is complementarily (!) splined, and a steerer tube with three notches that match up to splines on the stem. Greater engineering minds than I could probably write 50,000 words on why this is a terrible idea, but allow me to just present three or four reasons I thought of all on my own.


1. It's too obvious.

If this were truly a good idea, it would be on the market already. I have no doubt that other companies have prototyped (or at least sketched up) similar products and rejected them. No doubt whatsoever. Virtually anyone who runs three-piece cranks has wondered "hey, why don't they make splined steerer tubes?" Then someone explains why it's a bad idea, and they move on to wondering why that hot girl from Thursday never responded to their text message and whether her Myspace would be easy to find even though all they know is that her name is Heather and she lives in Brooklyn. Or was it Manhattan?


2. Some slippage is good.

Back in 1985, when Ron was airing five feet out of six-foot quarters on bikes built for 12-year-olds, slippage was bad. You had tinfoil bars held by beercan stems, and death (or at least unconsciousness) was always waiting right around the corner.

Things work better now. And even if your bars do slip, it's generally not catastrophic. You go to your bag (or someone else's) pull out the multi-tool, re-adjust, and keep trying those tailwhip flyouts. With the 2Hip setup, your bars and stem won't slip, but they WILL bend. Or crack. Or shear off. Which means instead of a simple re-adjustment, you get to go home and order new bars. Or a new stem. Or a new fork. Which brings is to the next point...


3. Compatibility.

Unless this system catches on (which it won't), you're buying a whole 2Hip front end. Good luck with that. And once this is patented, other companies would have to license the "technology" before making their own gargantuan stems and hideously ugly four-piece bars. (Can you even make two-piece bars to fit that stem? And if so what would they look like? Maybe éclat will make a converter for "regular" bars.)


4. They're ugly as sin.

Not sure whether anyone's noticed, but BMX is all about aesthetics these days. Damn kids painting their bikes to match their outfits and whatnot.

Hold on, I'm shaking my cane.

OK. Regardless, if you're gonna come out with some sort of revolutionary new product, it had better look as good as it performs. Otherwise it's just not going to catch on. And this setup, while it may have looked cool back in like '95, just isn't gonna cut it today. Like my man Jules Winnfield once said, "sewer rat may taste like pumpkin pie, but I'd never know 'cause I wouldn't eat the filthy motherfucker." It's the same thing. Trust me.

I kind of hope this whole setup is just a hoax like the Lumberjack Slams. But I don't think it is.


This feels strangely appropriate:

I wanted to talk about the new éclat website today—although I meant to do it a hell of a lot earlier—so I'm going to. Worse comes to worse I'll just fudge the timestamp so it SAYS it posted on Tuesday even if writing this stretches into Wednesday. Deal with it. There were a couple things I saw on my initial runthrough that I thought deserved attention, so I'll just bulletpoint through them. Cool?


• Sean Burns is on éclat?


Seriously, Sean Burns is on éclat? This is nothing against Sean Burns—I thought his section in Dead Bang was one of the greatest video parts ever, and dude is everything that BMX should be. Still, something doesn't sit right, even if he is running a 33t sprocket these days (28t by 2012!). Burns being on éclat feels like Deicide signing with Tooth and Nail or McDonald's being an official sponsor of the Olympics.

Oh wait, that's true.

Still, Burns being on éclat just feels wrong. If he's gonna be sponsored by a company with an accent mark, it should damn well be an umlaut. Who's he gonna pick up as his next sponsor, PETA? And the little bio on the site doesn't help, either. I quote: "In an age where tech is the flavor of the month and XXL t-shirts are a standard proponent of the BMX uniform, Sean Burns pedals fast whenever possible and squeezes into used leather jackets." Um, not sure what decade that was written in, but XXL t-shirts are only a "standard proponent" of the BMX uniform for guys who weigh 300-plus pounds, and even those guys are probably trying to squeeze into mediums these days. Might wanna edit that.


• Two-piece cranks.


Everyone seems to be making two-piece cranks today. They're the new three-piece. And éclat's, cringingly named "Tibias," seem to be a cross between Flys and Demolitions. They even have that second drilling so you can run an 18t sprocket if you're into that sort of thing.

Both arms come drilled so you can run them either LHD or RHD. And given that, I can safely assume two things—you don't have to order them specifically for either side drive, and they're not a "2.5" piece crank like Flys. I can't tell from the photo which arm is the one that comes off, but either rightys or leftys will have to take their cranks entirely apart to change sprockets, which is is one of the major downsides of two-piece cranks. And since they use a Profile-style spline interface, that seems like a lousy tradeoff just to lose one bolt. (They're 22mm, which is an advantage over Profile "race" cranks, but if I'm going to stay with the splined setup, I'd prefer to be able to replace either arm independently of the spindle.)

(Two asides—one, why hasn't Profile made a 22mm version of their cranks yet, and two, if I'm wrong about half of this stuff, I promise to explain further. Or let someone from éclat explain.)


• Front hub.

Yeesh. MEDIC!

Once again, this seems to be all the rage these days—internally-laced hubs. They look all fancy and lightweight and stuff. And the design would seem to protect the spoke better than their conventionally flanged brethren. That said, when a spoke does break (and it will), enjoy taking your entire hub apart to replace it. Do that enough times, and you'll be ready to go back to something simpler.


• Plastic pedals.


Dude. Everyone has plastic pedals. What's wrong with you? And why not get the grippiest nylon pedal on the market? I'm sure it's been independently verified. Makes you wonder why they bother making aluminum pedals at all. Other than the fact that Burns would probably rather run clipless than plastic.



• Window sticker.

Can I really find fault in a window sticker (scroll to the bottom)? Of course I can! It's just a little thing, though—when your company has been around for 47 minutes, none of your logos are "iconic." Just saying.


Oh, and when you click on the bottom bracket, the main photo that comes up is of the pedals. Might wanna fix that.

But hey, hope it all works out.

•••••••••••••••••••••

After reading all that—or scrolling past it—you're gonna need this:

If you think BMX is stupid now, please consider where we came from:



"Zee-riffic"? Seriously?

Thank you.



Something more substantial tomorrow, I promise.


••••••••••••••••••••••••••


Always loved this one.

Um, it's still Friday, isn't it? Maybe this is just a shameless way to increase my weekend readership. Either that or I'm just slow. One of the two.

Anyway, on with the Friday quiz.



1. This new Demolition shirt is a nod to my main man Mr. Spock. It is, to the best of my knowledge, the first BMX shirt to reference Star Trek.


Other TV shows they considered as inspiration were:

a) Mork & Mindy

b) BJ and the Bear

c) My Two Dads

d) Perfect Strangers

e) Battlestar Galactica



2. Streetwear company Animal designed this exclusive New Era hat specifically for the Australian market. There are only 300 of them. You can only buy one if:


a) You know what Vegemite is.

b) You have a bigger knife than anyone on your block.

c) Your bed is on fire.

d) You have two front wheels and no chain.




3. The Mutiny Cosmotron has removable brake mounts and a non-removable seatpost:


This is like:

a) A car with welded-on gas cap and removable steering wheel.

b) A house with permanent screen windows and detachable living room.

c) A 7-11 with locks on the door.

d) Rain on your wedding day.



4. These new stems are made by:



a) Fit

b) Premium

c) Hoffman

d) Coalition

e) There's a difference?




5. What is this?


a) The walls of a roller rink circa 1984.

b) A visual representation of the newest Gatorade flavors.

c) The new Odyssey grips.

d) A close-up from the Olympics opening ceremony in Beijing.




6. These are Nathan Williams's signature bars from United. They're 29" wide stock, but he cuts his down to 27".
This is sort of like:

a) Getting a signature drop stem and running it upside down with eight spacers.

b) Riding brakeless and getting a signature frame with gyro tabs.

c) Riding brakeless and getting a signature brake lever.

d) Coming up with your own nickname and then getting mad when people refer to you by it.

Before I get going here, an apology to the people whose stuff I was (and still am) going to review. Got both, enjoyed both. Just want to make sure I do both your efforts justice. Cool? I promise they won't fall by the wayside. Um, like the FAQ, which I still have every intention of doing. Someday.




Dear Stolen,

Interesting approach with your non-wedge wedge Pivotal. While Animal chose to go the traditional stem-wedge route, you chose to emulate Cinelli. Cool. Perhaps the fact that the entire base expands will put less pressure on butted seattubes. And kudos for actually making the post in two different lengths and acknowledging that not everyone wants their seat to double (make that triple) as a fender and toptube pad. Some of us still like sitting down on occasion.

Still, we can't help but think that that huge aluminum insert is heavier than a simple seatpost clamp. (Damn thing looks like a Russian nesting doll.) And the fact that you'll be offering a frame with no clamping area whatsoever, well, that's just plain wrong.


"Clampless frames are the future, the future is now"? For shame. Although we are curious about the other "unique Pivotal post" you'll be unveiling at Interbike. Just not curious enough to actually go. Hopefully it's honeycomb tubing sleeved with carbon fiber.

Sincerely,
–SPRFLS

P.S. Wanna buy a shirt?


We The People cordially invite you to reconsider the simple fork:


What we have here, I believe, are hollow, closed dropouts. Which means you can kiss your faithful Vandero hub goodbye.

There is this: most new front hubs are being designed with three-piece axles, which means they would be compatible with this style of dropout. In fact, We The People is proposing a two-piece axle (more or less a nut and long bolt) that would simplify things even further. And such a design would prevent this from happening, which is good.

However.

(You knew there'd be a however, right?)

(Right?)

There's something about being able to take your bike apart easily that appeals to me. It's the reason I don't run an Elementary stem, and the reason my Wombolts occasionally drive me crazy (they work great, but I'm not eager to take my cranks entirely apart just to change sprockets). And with these forks, you'll obviously need to take both bolts out (and, in the case of us four-peggers) both pegs off just to take your wheel off. A small price to pay for increased strength and decreased weight? Perhaps. But there's something to be said for convenience. And I don't even travel with my bike all that much. Or, um, at all. It'll be interesting to see whether these catch on.


Two more shirt designs I spent at LEAST five minutes combined on. Apologies to the real designers who read this blog:



I'm pretty psyched on the squirrel thing. Whatever it is. Meant to stretch the fur up to the shoulders, but that would have taken more time. And, you know, effort and stuff. It should also probably read "SQRLFLS?" on the hem. Dammit.


I'd have been tempted to post this video even if the song wasn't used in a BMX video. Which it was.

OK, I probably will.

The S&M Bars were/are fake. Good. Did I believe they could possibly be real? Yes. Does that make me gullible? Sure. Kudos, Mr. Moeller. Now buy my Mad Dog.


Saw that two more companies (Fremont and S&M) knocked off Fit's "Stay Fit" t-shirt. The font is a common one—Edwardian Script ITC—so I think everyone with Photoshop should do their own variation on it. All you need is a blank t-shirt template, which I'll even provide:


I already did mine.


I've been playing with a lot of t-shirt ideas lately. Not sure how many, if any, will ever actually get made. But I welcome your input. Here's eight for starters:


1.



2.


3.

4.


5.

6.


7.


8.

Feel free to name your favorite—not that it'll necessarily do any good one way or the other. I'd pretty much guarantee the "SAY SHIT" one will never happen. And it's not like anyone buys BMX t-shirts anyway.


Another easy one that Derek Adams should enjoy.

Well, either the Lumberjack Slams are real, or S&M is perpetrating their best hoax ever. I e-mailed Moeller to ask for more details (sample question: "Dude, WTF?") and this is what he sent back:

For production parts, all the honeycomb tubes on frames/forks and bars will be sleeved with carbon fiber. The diamond pattern of the material will be filled with epoxy so the tubes will actually be smooth and look totally normal. As of now the only paints we can use on the epoxy is almost neon so that should be interesting! The thin outer sleeve of 4Q Baked Supertherm really just gives us something to miter and weld to. This process is sometimes referred to as Bilateral Structure and we are also working on a (3 lb) frame utilizing it as well.

Neon paint only? Carbon fiber sleeves? Epoxy filling? Three-pound frames? Bilateral freaking Structure? You got me. Just for the fun of it, I looked up 'bilateral structure'. Most of the results had to do with either fibers or finance. There was also this definition:

Bilateral structure is an organization system that relies on reflection and / or duplication to achieve closure and equilibrium within a field. All bilateral fields can be divided into two identical or relatively similar halves on a single axis. The lateral axis within a field of absolute symmetry will delineate the two identical halves, while the lateral axis within an asymmetrical field will delineate two similar, but not identical, halves. The relative amount of absolute symmetry determines the orientation and position of this lateral axis within the field.

Yeah, I don't get it either. Well, I sort of do, but not how it fits this particular design.

Whether this whole thing is real or not (Chris never mentioned price, which I also asked about and I'd imagine would be rather prohibitive), I fully expect companies to start using materials like carbon fiber soon. Because how much lighter can you make a frame/fork/bar out of heat-treated chromoly? Seattubes and chainstays can only be so short, butted tubing so thin. And if lightness is going to remain the be-all and end-all, carbon is a cheaper alternative than titanium. I also fully expect to see an aluminum park/trails frame sooner rather than later. The Pulled Pork?

So whatever. Either we're all being taken on a ride (me especially), or things are about to get real interesting. Ever since S&M showed that one-piece clear plastic sprocket/guard combo, I've been at a total loss about what's serious and what isn't. I knew I should have booked a flight for Interbike.


The video this song is from really needs to be released on DVD.

Apologies for the later-than-all-hell post—I'm just awakening from the coma the new S&M bars sent me into:


(For more, check the S&M website, specifically the news section.)

Much like last time, I'm not sure whether these are supposed to be a real product or not. A year or so ago I would have called fake based on the 9" x 32"dimensions alone, but what with Solid already producing a 9" x 32" bar, it's entirely possible that S&M felt the need to join the even-bigger-bar party. Hopefully if it were a joke, Moeller would have went with something ridiculous like 10" x 35"—bars that size probably won't be produced for real until say, next year. Then there's the matter of the name, Lumberjack Slams, which recalls both Denny's (two pancakes, a slice of grilled honey ham, two bacon strips, two sausage links and two eggs, plus hash browns or grits and choice of bread) and Odyssey. Be curious to see whether that name makes it to the production stage. If there is one.

Then, of course, there is the matter of that crossbar. I can't decide whether it looks more like a pair of Chinese fingercuffs (word to Rick Derris and Cohee Lundin), some sort of woodworking tool or the decorative trim on—well, something. Whatever the case, it sure is different. And by different I mean totally awful. Imagine getting a handful of that on a barspin gone wrong? Or knocking your chin on it on a big gap? Or if it takes a direct impact from...anything? I understand it for a show bike or as an example of what you can do with steel, but as an everyday set of bars? Hell no. (And going from what was said in the news section, it appears that they might try a frame with the same tubing? Yikes.) Oh well, at least they're bringing the Challenger stem back.

I'll be e-mailing Moeller this week to try and find out more. That is, if I ever recover sufficiently from the initial shock.


Take a walk.

Just from checking BMXfeed compulsively on an hourly basis (more often than it gets updated, I think), I've noticed there have been quite a few polls in BMX lately. Profile asked what limited color you all want to see next—personally, I couldn't decide between "waiting room beige" and "vulva pink"—and Orchid posted a bingo-card like offering of former models and (gulp) colorways for potential re-issue in recognition of their fifth anniversary:


My reaction to that one was swift: Orchid has been around for five years?

Polls have been part of BMX forever, of course—from reader polls to NORA Cup voting. I think I may have even voted for Greg Hill and Mike Dominguez once. And if I didn't, I definitely meant to. This recent rash of polling made me think: why don't more companies look for direct input? Instead of telling us what we want, why don't they ask us? I've come up with poll suggestions for a variety of companies. Some are too late, but others could still do some good.


• EASTERN: What part of our frames should we cut full of holes next?

a) Downtube
b) Toptube
c) Seatstays
d) Whatever Kyle Busch thinks is best

• S&M: Should we destroy the 21" Stricker by lowering the toptube and eliminating the anchor brace?

a) Yes
b) No

Additional question: What country's flag should we wrap around our stems next?

a) Canada
b) France
c) China
d) Angola

• Odyssey/G-Sport: What part should George French entirely re-imagine?

a) Headset
b) Handlebars
c) Grips
d) Bolt-on framestanding platforms

• Fly: Should we keep re-inventing the bottom bracket?

a) Yes
b) No
c) Dude

• Terrible One: Should we manufacture the Barcode overseas?

a) Yes
b) No
c) You still make the Barcode?

• Primo: Which rider should we kick off the team next?

a) Tony Neyer
b) Josh Stricker
c) E-Man
d) Someone who isn't even on the team yet

Additional question: Do you think Josh Stricker would ever run plastic pedals?

a) Hahaha
b) No, seriously, hahaha

• Giant: 我們為什麼要作出為BMX自行車?

a) 為愛
b) 為錢
c) 為犬

First things first: a correction.

(Not sure about you, but I hate that newspapers and magazines hide their corrections way at the bottom of a page. I'm gonna buck the trend—and this one wasn't even my fault!)

Turns out the new Simple frame I talked about on Monday won't have a shaved headtube after all. I got an e-mail from Jimmy Röstlund at Simple/Eject that cleared things up:

I saw a short little note on about Simple going into production with the "shaved" headtube thing. I know that Sidewall posted that on their news page, but it's a miscommunication and I have taken the appropriate action to get that corrected.

We did do prototypes with that style headtube, but we decided to go with a normal style headtube after testing. If you look at the photos that were posted of the frame you can clearly see that it's the same headtube as we've previously released. I've attached a photo that shows the headtube more.

Thanks, Jimmy. I'll be curious to see whether Sunday goes forward with it.


Heat-treated. Colorways. "Super Bake." What could I possibly be talking about? Frames? Bars? Nope—try stem bolts. Hollow, powdercoated stem bolts. They're the 21st century equivalent of dice valve caps.


If you're like, a downhill/freeride/urban MTB type or a fixed-gear freestyler, now there's a stem to go with all your pink Chris King stuff. Pretty and strong indeed. It's Hollywood Mike Miranda!


I meant to link to this earlier—Brian Tunney recently posted an interview he did with Joe Rich about the future of Terrible One. Seems like some production will be shifting to Taiwan. Makes sense to me. Knowing the little that I do know about frame production and profit margins, it's hard to believe any company can survive selling US-made frames that aren't produced in-house. BMX frame retail prices haven't increased appreciably in the past decade, while the costs of everything—from raw materials to transportation—have increased a great deal. Factor in that the framebuilders and company owners (not to mention sponsored riders and other employees) probably like eating a couple times a week and living under roofs with luxuries like electricity and hot water, and either prices need to go up or costs need to go down. Probably both.

(I wanted to sprinkle some quotes in here, but assblasters isn't loading for me right now. Shame.)


Went and saw The Dark Knight in Imax last night. Not bad, although they could have easily cut 10 (or maybe even 20) minutes without doing any damage to the main storyline. And while Heath Ledger was really good, I feel like his portrayal of the Joker wouldn't be getting this much attention if he was still alive.

Anyway, did this remind anyone else of something like this? Flat black and fat tires, woo hoo.


Easy one?

I am not an engineer of any sort. The only college science course I took was earth science—rocks for jocks—and while I did allegedly pass calculus, I can't remember a single thing I allegedly learned. As for physics, I didn't even take that in high school. Combine that with the fact that I've only built one wheel in my life—using the time-tested hold-the-new-rim-next-to-the-old-wheel-and-transfer-the-spokes-over method, and it should be abundantly clear that I am entirely unqualified to criticize a new rim design. Like this one, from éclat:







They look cool, I guess. Nice colors. And as everyone seems to be trying their hands at rim design lately—Animal, Fly, Stolen, Shadow—I suppose that each company needs their own unique design to help them stand out from the ever-growing crowd. Will they be stronger than time-tested designs from Odyssey, Primo and Sun? Damned if I know. Then combine all the new rim designs with new hub designs from (among others) Tree and Simple, and it's enough to drive a simple wheelbuilder crazy. (I'd like to see someone 5-cross crosslace a Tree front hub to a Fly rim without breaking something.) No wonder Pierre Pierros III has been on vacation for months.

It would be interesting to see some sort of independent testing as to which rims are stronger, and which spoke patterns (close to the edges or all in the middle?) and lacing patterns work best. Anyone?

Hey, look, another new bottom bracket!



You can thank Fly for this bastard child of a Spanish bottom bracket and an integrated headset. From what I can tell, the bearings drop in (like an integrated headset), and then you tighten the spacer setup up to hold everything in place. Why the cranks can't hold everything together like they do virtually every other modern bottom bracket, I have no idea. (Although maybe it has something to do with not needing a middle tube spacer.) Also, it appears that they will require some sort of proprietary bottom bracket shell. Of course! They're like external bearing cups only without the cups.

I also like that Fly trumpets "no more hammers!" First off, most civilized people use a bearing press, whether it be store-bought or homemade, when popping in a bottom bracket. Secondly, how many times do you find yourself installing and removing bottom bracket bearings? Seems like yet another solution in search of a problem. Or a way to make sure people have to buy YOUR bottom bracket when they buy YOUR frame. Jerks.

Maybe every company should use a slightly different proprietary bottom bracket bearing. Fit and S&M could have the "California Bottom Bracket," Standard could have the "Iowa Bottom Bracket," Macneil could have the "Canadian Bottom Bracket," etc., etc.


Hey Bicycling, we know that BMX is in the Olympics this year and you want to seem all in the know. That's terrific. But next time try a little harder, huh? Because this is seriously embarassing. And this isn't all that much better (the brief history of BMX in there is amazing).


Today's video:

I spotted this Harry Main KHE complete on the Pijin blog last night, then traced the image URL (wow, am I interwebz savvy) to this Nike 6.0 "insider" blog post. Not sure where the 3.1 pound frame weight came from, unless Mark spoke to someone directly, because I couldn't find much about the bike on the horrifically designed KHE website (would a news link up top be too much to ask?). Harry does mention it in his Ride UK 20 questions interview, but only that the complete is going to weigh under 21 pounds (and that his first riding memory is from 2002—ouch). Anyway, yeah, photo:

Harry's a 17-year old, and this bike looks like is was designed for one. Light, bright, steep, low-slung, with big bars (I presume they're KHE's Centaur bar/stem combo), the new one-piece seat/post (the pedal looks almost bigger than the seat) and, of course, KHE tires. Basically it's every current trend in one easy-to-buy package that you should be able to find at Tailwhips 'R' Us. Blech.

I know the kid can do 720s and 900s and stuff (only because I looked at the 6.0 and KHE sites, since before last night I'd never even heard of him), but I still find it funny that a 17-year-old is getting a signature complete. Wouldn't it be best to wait just in case he decides to quit riding and take up autocrossing or Wii golf or heavy drinking? He is really good for being 17, though—does young Harry have a lightning-bolt shaped scar on his forehead?


Simple is putting out a production frame with that shaved-headtube thing that Sunday's been testing on prototypes. Hmm.


Gonna do something new for a while. Every day I'm going to post one Youtube video of a video/live performance of a song that was used in a BMX video. Guess which video (and which rider's part) and you win the right to be proud of yourself for the day.

Some will be easy, some won't be. We'll start with...well, you tell me.

I feel remiss for skipping last Friday entirely (not to mention Thursday), so you all deserve a decent quiz today. Maybe—just maybe—I'll post something over the weekend, too. Just to try and catch up. Anyway, on with the show.



1. It's hard to look threatening when you a) appear to have highlights in your hair, b) are wearing professionally worn-in jeans, and c) are recognized universally as more or less the nicest guy ever. However, one has to give Chris Doyle credit for trying as he brandishes his Demolition signature fork.

Which iconic image should they have tried to duplicate instead?


a) Malcolm X

b) Dirty Harry

c) Reservoir Dogs (with, perhaps, Brian Castillo)

d) John Rambo

e) Tony Montana



2. The UK's Segment Clothing made this shirt as a response to the "STREETS IS TALKING" shirt Fit made a while back:

Which discipline can we expect to respond next and how?


a) FLATLAND IS WHISPERING

b) PARK IS WHINING

c) VERT IS WITTERING

d) RACING IS LECTURING




3. This bike is:


a) Eddie Cleveland's fault.

b) The subject of Bikeguide's Bike Check of the Week.

c) A mass-market complete.

d) Your ticket to instant cool with just a swipe of a major credit card.

e) Most of the above.




4. There are big bars, there are bigger bars, and there are Solid's Roseanne Bars. Nine inches high and 32 inches wide, you won't find bigger bars unless you make them yourself. Assuming a little wider than shoulder width is about right, who are these bars designed for?


a) Andre the Giant

b) Kareem Abdul-Jabbar

c) Sasquatch

d) Micah Kranz

e) Duh



5. Colony's new plastic pedals differ from all the other plastic pedals already on the market how?


a) Since they're Australian, they spin in the opposite direction of pedals from the Northern hemisphere.

b) They have black endcaps instead of white or red.

c) They say "Colony" on them.

d) They look like they should come stock on an $80 complete.

e) Absolutely nothing.




6. These stunning platform pedals are available from Bike Nashbar for the low, low price of $39.99:

What's the worst thing about them?


a) They only have three strings.

b) They're not available in 1/2".

c) They're not painted to look like Eddie Van Halen's guitar.

d) They don't offer a Dimebag Darrell version.

e) They exist.



7. This Nike Olympic trucker hat is supposed to be for the BMX team. You can buy one of your very own from Dan's for just $23.99:


If you were to buy one and wear it around, what percentage of people would look at it and think "oh, BMX"?


a) 22

b) 14

c) 9

d) 2

e) 0




And now for something completely different. The audio isn't the best, but it's still worth it. Farside playing some New Jersey college in 1995. Wish I was there.







(Doyle made me think of them, so thank—or blame—him.)

We here at SPRFLS would like to recognize the good people at Verde for introducing the 500th Pivotal seat "design" of 2008. (UGP alone released 347 of them.) Verde's oh-so-clever Timber seat will go perfectly with the station wagon your parents had in 1979, or the limited Mosh parts you sold on eBay back in 2005.


Recent research indicates that there are now 438.6 BMX seats for every BMX bike in the world, and even Warren Buffet is buying Velo stock. So if you don't have at least three or four seats of your own, you're simply not pulling your weight. You should be swapping your seat out daily to match your t-shirt and sneakers and replacing each of them every three weeks whether you need to or not.

But if you're one of those slackers who only owns one seat, maybe it's not your fault. Maybe there aren't any designs you like yet. So we're here to help. Here's five more seat print concepts we fully expect to see sooner rather than later:

1. Bart Simpson (Pivotal only). Not too hard to figure out how the figure would line up.
2. Stripped print. Get the trendy LITEWAIT look without having to actually tear off your cover and padding!
3. Paris Hilton's face. This also should probably be Pivotal only, for obvious reasons.
4. Kerry King armband. It doesn't get more metal than that. Bonus points if the seat has real six-inch spikes sticking out of it. (Like you sit down anyway.)
5. UCI World Champion stripes. We'd love to see SDG do one of these for Jamie Bestwick in recognition of his winning the last 317 vert comps.
   
6. Just pick the latest ridiculous Nikes off of Hypebeast and copy them. (Please do a better job than this, though.)

Holy weird. It's 4 a.m. Eastern, and the movie Shadow Conspiracy just came on TNT. Charlie Sheen! Donald Sutherland! Linda Hamilton! Sam Waterston as the President! Ben Gazarra as the Vice President! Alistair Whitton as...oh, I'm just kidding. Well, not about the movie being on. We'll see how long I can take it.

I know.

I know that girls pants have been popular amongst BMXers for quite some time, and it doesn't appear that they're going away any time soon.

I know that they make more sense than JNCOs and Wu-Wears.

I know that companies have to make things that people want to buy in order to stay in business.

Still, that doesn't mean I thought Animal, of all companies, would ever sell slim-fit stretch denim:



(Although I suppose they complement the kitten t-shirt.)

It just seems really weird to me. Would Ralph Sinisi wear stretchy pants? Scerbo? Vinnie? Tyrone? Edwin? Wormz? (OK, maybe Wormz.) The New Eras, I understood those. I even get the bigger pants, the 718s. Those make sense to me as an Animal product. But slim-fit jeans? Animal? What's next? Sunglasses? Baseball cleats? An all-skatepark video? What in the name of Will Taubin is going on here?

Anyway, we here at SPRFLS did a little digging and discovered Animal's upcoming Spring '09 line. Enjoy:


1) Checkered suspenders:




2) Tennis visor, as modeled by designer Whiteboy:





3) Regimental tie with hidden stash pocket:



4) Wolf shirt (as required by BMX law):



5) And, of course, Lederhosen:

Fit has a new t-shirt out featuring what appears to be an angry grizzly bear.




Let us ignore for the moment that it just seems like a more aggro version of Lotek's Nightwolf shirt:



Which, in turn, was just a bite of (I'm sorry, "homage to") countless other shirts that have been available at cheesy mall stores and mountain time zone gift shops for the past 20 years:




What's important here is this: Why have a shirt CALLED the "grizz air shirt" and not have someone doing an actual Griz in the ad? Is there no one on Fit who can do a Griz? For an example, see the classic shot of Stephen Murray below:



Griz Airs were popularized (if not invented) by Josh White back in the '80s, and later became a staple of a young Taj Mihelich. It would be nice if now they were more than just the name of a t-shirt. But oh well, it's not a tailwhip. Why even bother?

(I can't wait for the inevitable striking cobra all-over-print Matt Beringer shirt. Here, just re-brand this one.)

Well.

Apologies for the disappearance. Spent much of last week and the weekend watching the X Games—odd parts, too, not just the BMX. Nope. Since I didn't exactly keep track of what was on when, I just took what came: Jake Brown's return to Megaramp (and the ensuing multiple crashes of a drawn-looking Danny Way), the BMX Street final jam session (which seemed rather difficult to judge), a few minutes of FMX Best Trick (whose competitors seem about as culturally relevant as Mudvayne and Slipknot—and equally well-dressed).

I don't know, the X Games just seem to get increasingly stranger and more removed from real life every year. Pro skater Rune Glifberg bitches about the "Super Park" course enough to have an L.A. Times story written about it—then wins the event. Podium regulars Travis Pastrana and Dave Mirra both medal—in rally cars. Rally cars? Why not a demolition derby or monster trucks?


Someone please explain to me the appeal of one-sided pegs? You know, ones like the Eastern Slit pegs, which have a bunch of undoubtedly NASCAR-approved slits cut in them, or the off-center machined Macneil Fashionably Lights or Colony One-Ways (which are aluminum, to boot). Or, of course, the new EXTERNALLY machined Fly pegs.



They're lighter, sure. Which is the whole point, I guess. But the fact that you can't rotate them—when you grind through one side, they're done—seems to be a steep price to pay. And on the internally machined ones you'll want to be careful not to grind on the wrong side by accident. (Of course they're all advertised as "park pegs" or for "light street," but whoever pays attention to that sort of thing?) What they are, more or less, are pegs that are pre-worn. If I'd known something like this would become popular, I would have kept all my old ground-down Kinks.

I'm also curious how the off-centered machining affects the strength of the peg as a whole. What if you hit one of the "thin" parts against an upright? What if you bail and the bike lands square on the end? Like a lot of parts these days, I understand the appeal of these if your sponsor is sending them to you. Otherwise? Not so much.

We are currently experiencing technical difficulties. SPRFLS will return to its regularly scheduled programming on Monday.

Enjoy the weekend.

($10 and bunch of SPRFLS stickers to whoever sends me the head of Darkmane.)